THE LULU CHRONICLES
|The Hubs at his best.|
LuLu waits for me in the garage. I haven’t had the heart to take her out for a ride. Gary fixed her flat tire a few weeks ago but then his health started deteriorating rather quickly. LuLu is just one of the many things around the house here that remind me of what I’ve lost, what my children have lost, what our friends have lost. Gary is gone from this earth but oh, his presence is strong. The fact that I can still feel him in a room brings great comfort, however, it also summons an arrow straight through the heart at times. Last night I finally got around to putting some clean clothes away that had been sitting in the clothesbasket since last weekend… Gary’s clothes. The shirt he wore just last week. His socks. The arrow that sliced through me during that little exercise was on fire and lined with razor blades.
Gary died one week ago today (Wednesday). I feel like I’ve aged one hundred years since I last touched his hand. I know I must live in this place of shadows for a while yet, but for how long I wonder? I go from numb to throbbing in a blink. How cruel is death that it leaves the rest of us here like scattered debris? In this world death is the bully who thumps his chest and struts and dares anyone to defy him.
Good thing I’m not from this world. Better yet, neither was Gary. Here, death is the ugly victor. But Over There, where my Hubs now stands, death was nothing but a doorknob. I’m not saying this to try and ease my sorrow. No words are magical enough to do that. I say this because it’s true. On the Other Shore is Home. While I lament the loss of my husband and wish this sorrow upon no one, for brief moments in between the tears, I see something. It’s only a momentary flash of something beautiful and breathe-taking. A place that is light and full and good. Mind you, it’s only a flash and then it’s gone, covered up by falling pieces of a broken heart. But I know it’s there, just over there. And I know Gary is there, doing only our Lord knows what. Truly.
Someday I’ll be able to sustain the image longer. It won’t be any time soon, but it will come. It will come. It will… I believe this. Truly.
“And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, each one of the gates was a single pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass. I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. And the city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb.” ~ Revelation 21: 21-23