Bad wife!

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THE LULU CHRONICLES

Is she ready?

So here we are, a brand new year spread out before us. What to do? What to do? Repeat? Or change? Isn’t that the million-dollar question at the beginning of every new year?  I, for one, do not want to repeat anything from last year, but am I ready for a change? Which is a silly question because change will come whether I want it to or not. Change has already come. So, will I embrace it and take control, or go kicking and screaming the rest of the way?

If the truth were told, I’ve done a little bit of both. But now, in this fresh new day, I’m ready for my own terms. I’m ready to step out and discover instead of just letting what will happen happen. I’ve had a whole year of that. Honestly, I didn’t have much strength for anything else. I lost my husband to a deadly, hideous disease. I’ve mourned and lamented for a year. I probably will mourn the loss of his presence till the end of my days. But I’m ready to accept the fact that God expects more from me than sackcloth and ashes. That season had to be. But this widow’s clothes no longer become her.

You don’t have to lose a spouse to know loss, or to feel like it’s time to either break from or build upon your past. For me, its time to build upon the foundation of what I’ve been given. I’ve been loved by someone very special. I’ve had the privilege of loving a rock star (at least he was to me). It’s time to embrace what that love has given and what it has prepared me for.

How about you? Is it time to move forward? Is it time to embrace change or be the one responsible for change?  What will it take? What will it cost you?

For me, I need to sell my house, move to a new town, and build a new home. I don’t mean bricks and mortar ‘build’; I mean awaken my dreams and goals. Brush off my gifts and discover new talents... also pick out new curtains. I also have to fight the guilt that moving forward brings. For those of us who’ve lost someone, moving forward can feel like a betrayal. How dare I be happy without my loved one? Bad wife! How can I enjoy myself even a smidgeon, won’t that mean I’m dishonoring his memory? What will people think? What will they say? Bad wife!

No, I must still the inner doubts, the inner critic and take that first step.  And so should you. Easier said than done, I know. No one knows that better than me. But step out we must.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”(Phil 4:13) I choose to believe that’s true. So... here goes!

Later,

deb