Trust...

THE LULU CHRONICLES

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and all His ways. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

The above scripture has been the motto for our marriage before Day One. I even had it inscribed on the inside of Gary’s wedding band a hundred years ago. Those words of wisdom and inspiration have held us up through many a trial.  Today, as I sit in yet another Mayo Clinic waiting room, they have no less meaning and power than on Day One.

As I write this, Gary is somewhere behind these marbled walls drinking a barium drink and preparing for a CT scan of his stomach and pelvis area. He texted me a few minutes ago highly recommending the drink. Think I’ll pass.

Is the bright, shiny spot the PET scan showed up the return of cancer or something else entirely, like he swallowed a shoe by accident or something? I’m voting for the shoe. But no matter the outcome, I know our path will be made straight. I have every confidence that our Lord Jesus is walking out in front, kicking stones out of our way, and sweeping the path with sweating brow and scarred hands. Our names are on His lips as he petitions on our behalf before the Throne.

So, again, I wait… in a big room with lots of seats and lots of other anxious strangers I seem to now be connected to. Our longing and hope and worried glances toward the door tie us together-- make us community.

The clock ticks. The waiting to know is almost over.

deb

The waiting room...

Nellie Rose... something that was worth the wait.

THE LULU CHRONICLES

“Waiting must be the precursor to hell.” I just wrote that in an email to a friend. I don’t know much about hell, really. Just the typical cartoon stuff like it’s hot, lots of fire and brimstone, Satan over in the corner with his horns and harpoon, or whatever that thing is they always show him holding. The only real truth that I know about hell is that God won’t be there.  How chilling is that?

Well, in this waiting room that I’m in right now, there are moments, only moments, mind you, that I feel like God isn’t here. My heart and my theology tell me something different. However, during those few brief lonely moments, I feel hell is just around the corner.

Waiting for news or for something to happen is an ugly place. I wished every medical student or nurse in training had to sit in this place that I am in just for one day. To feel the panic, the loneliness, the limbo that waiting for their call puts one in. Test results, a doctor’s voice, an appointment made, “yes, it’s cancer” or “no, it’s not”—the waiting for those things causes you to feel the heat of hell … just for a moment.

Then, my heart kicks in, my faith that God never leaves us alone, that His timing is wiser than ours, etc., I grasp those things with both hands and hold on. I reach out longing for the touch of His holy hand that I am confidant is already outstretched towards me.

The waiting room is an odd place. My heart tells me He fills every nook and cranny, yet…

If you are in that place, I pray your wait will be short.

Later,

Deb

P.S. Poor LuLu, she’s been waiting out the garage for the snow to melt for a while now…

A little bit of stress...

 

THE LULU CHRONICLES

One of my favs, fried green tomatoes

Okay, if you’ve check in with LuLu and I over the last month, you know that we’re experiencing a little bit of stress. I’ve been in Tennessee the whole month of February caring for my mom who had surgery and my dad who is in advance stages of Alzheimer’s. I came home a few days ago because my husband’s recent PET scan indicates a return of his cancer. Yep, a little bit of stress…

I don’t mean to make light of it. My guts are churning. My heart is broken. And, I know all of this makes me extremely vulnerable for sickness myself. Even more reason to try and incorporate healthy habits during this time. So far, I’ve failed miserably. Don’t know what you know about the south, but once you reach the Mason Dixon line you are escorted across by the twins, Fried Chicken and Chicken Fried Steak. Then, there’s BQ, the real deal, slow cooked over an open pit, and let’s not forget fried okra. I gained almost five pounds while caring for my folks.

Arrrg!

The good news is that I came home to a pretty empty fridge and cupboards. I think the Hubs was about to start smearing peanut butter on table legs for supper. This means I can once again stock up on the good stuff. Fresh veggies and fruits, lean meats etc., which I plan on doing… as soon as we get back from Mayo Clinic.

Mayo Clinic… another hurdle in the healthy life style agenda. Eating on the run is never a good idea. Eating under stress is like talking without a mental filter—anything could come out, and with eating under stress—anything could go in.

Arrrg!

I need your prayers for many things right now, but if you get a minute, would you please add to your prayer list that I would be able to take care of myself as well.

Later, dear ones…

deb

I wait...

THE LULU CHRONICLES


Mom's surgery has left her cancer free!  
Our God is an awesome God.

Dad has returned from the VA hospital with new drugs for his Alzheimer's.
He rules from Heaven above.

The Hubs cancer has returned.
Our God is STILL an Awesome God. He STILL reigns from Heaven above.

 So, I will lay at His feet and wait ...

The backside of Eden...

 

THE LULU CHRONICLES

When I first started riding my pink bike I felt like I was beginning a journey that would hopefully never end. Learning life lessons should, well, take a lifetime, right? With the miles of country roads pedaled, meditation, prayer and stillness, among other things, began preparing me for what I’m now experiencing…

Mom’s cancer surgery has gone well. She is recuperating like a woman on a mission. However, just because you’re in one crisis, doesn’t mean another one isn’t nipping at its heels.  Two nights ago, my brother and I had to leave our dad at the VA hospital. He is deep into Alzheimer’s and because of the demands of mom’s surgery and the interruption of his schedule and comfort zone, his behavior had rapidly deteriorated into combatant mode. He had not slept hardly a wink since last Thursday; the day of mom’s surgery, and this past Saturday night was the last straw. My brother and I shared the ‘night shift’ with dad as we watched the man who raised us prowl around the house at 3 a.m. whimpering as he searched for his own mother in various corners of the house. 

If you will remember, old age wasn’t God’s original plan. In the Garden He supplied all we’d ever need. Food, companionship and love. He walked among the trees with Adam and Eve. Sat on the banks of the rivers He created and enjoyed their presence as a beaming parent . They were not going to die or age or get sick. It was a beautiful plan. Then… oh, well.

The silver lining of this experience is that God had a contingency plan for us. He gave us family. He gave us Jesus. He gave us a way to find our way back to the original plan. But first, we now must walk through the valley of the shadow of death, which I am convinced more and more is old age.  

Death and dying weren’t on the play list in The Garden. Dementia and cancer were less than ghosts. But God being God knew. He knew. So, here we are as rebellious teens caught in the net of our own making. Yet, He never gives up on us. He still sees our potential. He packed our bags with all we’d need. And, He stands on the ready to lead us through the backside of Eden.  

“I am your strength…I make your feet like the feet of a deer, enabling you to go on the heights.”

deb

He came near...

Mama & Nellie Rose

THE LULU CHRONICLES

If you’re a regular visitor to this blog, I apologize for my absence last week. My mom is sick. Her cancer has returned after five years clean. So, I hopped in the car and traveled the twelve hours to her doorstep. Her surgery is Thursday. You probably won’t hear from me then either. Life and love once again intervene.

Last Thursday I was sitting outside a PET scan room. Mom’s doctor asked me to be close by just in case she needed me. On the thick, heavy door to the procedure room hung a warning sign: Caution! Radioactive Materials. Every so often I could hear a low, mechanical hum, as another sign would light up over the door warning whomever, I suppose me, not to enter.

 I don’t think any 85-year-old great-grandmother should have to go through this, do you? Mom’s been through enough. She lost her own mother as a young child, a baby sister at the age of one, and out of eight siblings she is the only left on this earth.  Isn’t this enough loss and sadness for one person? She survived the Great Depression and has lived through every war and scrimmage our country has been involved in since WWII. Let her be! She should be sitting in a rocking chair cuddling Nellie Rose, her two-month old great-granddaughter. She should be working with her roses in the back yard, putzing in her kitchen and baking yet another lemon pie or a mess of beans. What she should not be doing right now is lying on her back while some toxic radioactive materials scan her body looking for cancerous intruders. Enough is enough.

As I sat in the small cluster of waiting room chairs, I suddenly felt a Presence. He came near and I was no longer alone.  I knew at once that the thick door in front of me and the flashing sign above were no match for Him. Beyond the door my mama laid on a narrow scan bed with her head wedged and her arms secured around her body by a large Velcro belt. But it no longer mattered. He came near. He would take it from here.

Grace and mercy is His to give. Comfort and peace are held in each Holy Hand. So, I waited outside the thick door knowing all would be well… even if my mama wasn’t. He came near… to stay.

deb

Go be a family...

THE LULU CHRONICLES

Okay, yesterday got by me without it even dawning on me that it was Thursday.  When I laid my head down on my pillow last night I realized I hadn’t posted a Thursday blog. Maybe two people noticed, if that. However, I have a good excuse. I spent the day with Nellie Rose and her big brothers, Cormac and Cian.

Life is about choices as you well know. And, while there were all kinds of things I could have been doing yesterday, writing a blog for starters, I chose Nellie and her brothers.  Here’s a review: I experienced smiles and cooing from Nellie Rose for the first time. She’s two months old you know, those are big deals; Cormac taught me how to shoot his bow and arrow. He’s three. It’s what he’s into these days. And, Cian and I had a lovely ongoing conversation about why I was there and his Papa wasn’t. He’s not quite two yet, but a real man’s man, and Papa’s boy.

It was a sweet day. Sorry, I went AWOL. But if I have a choice between playing with grandchildren or staying home and writing a blog, chances are I’m going to choose the kids. Please don’t be offended. You are important to me and if you coo-ed as sweet as Nellie Rose, well…

Today, it’s back to writing and laundry and vacuuming and whatever. But first things first, and yesterday that first thing was Nellie Rose and her brothers. And you know what? I don’t expect anything less from you. The people in your life should always take first billing. God may have created people last, but He didn’t intend for us to be in last place. Oh, no,  He saved the best till last and we came with instructions: “Go be a family.”  

Okay, I’m outta here. See you next Tuesday…

deb