Bootless...

THE LULU CHRONICLES

Here's what my sink looks like on veggie-washing-day.

Sorry I didn’t post last Thursday. It was a big day. We were at Mayo Clinic for the Hubs third infusion. He is tolerating the treatments pretty well. Lots of fatigue and a few pains here and there, but mostly all is good. It has been a long nine weeks, though. It’s like the moon and the sun have forgotten how to work together to create a 24-hour day.

In the meantime, we bide our time. We try to make peace with our new, new normal. Part of the new, new normal is our eating. We juice everything green. We juice everything fruity. We juice together everything green and fruity. I spent an hour today washing kale, bok choy, chard, carrots, red cabbage, strawberries and spinach. I must say, it wasn’t as bad as washing out dirty socks. After scrubbing said veggies, I bundled them up into baggies and individual servings. I am now ready at a moments notice to juice drinks with names such as Sweet Morning Kale, Green Goddess and Everything-but-the-kitchen-sink Veggie-Blast. Gary thinks the drinks smell like the underside of our lawn mower. But if they help boost his immune system to fight the cancer, I say, “Bottoms up, Big Boy!”

What have I learned thus far about living with a husband with cancer? I’ve learned I don’t like it. Who wants to do this? Yet, here we are, smack dab in the middle of living with fear and walking by faith. I remember years ago embracing the slogan, “Feel the fear, but do it anyway.” It sounded so gutsy to stare your fear down and trample over it like you’re wearing steel-toed boots. But now, as I watch the cancer sap my husband’s strength and rob him of good days, I feel weak-kneed and bootless.

Cancer is scary, no doubt about it.  It’s the Headless Horseman, Frankenstein, and the Boogie-Man under the bed all rolled into one big ugly nightmare. Yet, I am surprised to find that I am still upright. All the years of practicing the mantra, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” is sustaining me… sustaining us. The Hubs is right in there as bootless as me, yet holding my hand and coaxing me forward.

We walk by faith. We believe in God, The Great I AM. We believe that Jesus, The Good Shepherd, intercedes. We believe that faith trumps fear… every time.

Something got you scared bootless? Believe. And then believe some more. Then juice you something green, it helps with the tremors.

Later,

deb