THE LULU CHRONICLES
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| Granddaughter, Harper Grace, Atticus and me. |
Something is happening. I’m slowly, slowly, slowly feeling
myself coming around a bend of sorts. Probably the first of many but today
feels a little different than yesterday. Something is changing a little,
letting up. The ragged jab through the middle of my heart isn’t quite as
destructive as it has been. It still rips and tears, but there is just a little
less… something.
I want to rush this mourning period, get it over with—move
on. But sorrow can’t be rushed. If I am to come out the other side of this a
whole, functioning and productive person, I must allow the sorrow to do its
thing. If I am to keep my faith intact and bitterness from poisoning my soul, I
must take my time and feel what needs to be felt. Death teaches patience among
other things.
I don’t know if you’ve heard this or not, but our little
dog, Murphy, was hit by a car a week before Gary died. I was counting on Murph
to help see me through this and then suddenly he was gone too. After Gary died
and the last guest went home, the two losses gained up on me big time. Not only
did I lose my man, but a sweet, furry friend as well. It was too much. I needed
another beating heart in the house. The silence in all the empty spaces was
deafening. So, last week I welcomed another little guy into my home. His name
is Atticus and he is a ten-week-old labradoodle. Atticus Finch, the dad in
Harper Lee’s classic novel, To Kill A
Mockingbird, was the Hubs’ favorite fictional character. Gary got a lot of
sermon illustrations out of the wisdom and courage of Atticus Finch. I’m hoping
my little Atticus will grow into to his name.
Maybe it’s the presence of Atticus or the passing of a month
since I lost my darling, but whatever it is, I feel I’ve inched forward toward
the edge of the fog. God expects something from me still. He wasn't done with
Noah once it stopped raining was He? Maybe He’s not done with me either.
The tears still come. My heart is still broken. My days are
still unrecognizable. But something has changed, and I welcome it. I thank my
God for His gentle hand upon me and for His compassionate mercy.
“My times are in His
hands…” ~ Psalms. 32:15
deb
3 comments:
Welcome to the family sweet dog!!!
Love you Debbie!!!!
What a sweet puppy, Deb! I'm glad to hear of brighter days for you. I know grief is a hilly road, but I also know you're not walking it alone. <3
your blog posts touch me to my core every time I read them. I hurt for your loss and I rejoice in the "something" with you. i'm sorry Wes and I weren't able to come up to comfort you in your time of loss, but know you are in my heart and thoughts and prayers. keep your eyes, heart and mind stayed on God and He will lead you and teach you and carry you when you can't possibly crawl another inch. love and prayers. Stephanie Cleveland
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