Tuesday, January 28, 2014


The Hubs & me

The good news is that I am healing. The bad news is that it is slow going and quite painful. However, I am hopeful. I’ve experienced little glimpses of reflected light as if Someone has run their hand along a thick curtain, parting it ever so slightly. Just beyond and out of reach, I briefly catch a sliver of color and feel a small breeze. Just as quickly the curtain closes and it’s gone. But I saw what I saw and it brings promise.
Other things have begun happening that have given me an indication that life, my life, will proceed. Silly things really. But you see, silly and ridiculous, have always been a part of who I am, who we were. Gary and I shared a life that was not only lovingly, but also full of fun and oddities. Like the time an eleven dollar roast disappeared from our freezer. One day it was there, the next day it was gone. I accused our sons of swiping it for some special effect for one of their home movies. They denied it. I accused friends of sneaking in and taking it just to mess with us. They denied it. The mystery of the missing roast has never been solved—even after I reported it to the police department (much to the embarrassment of my sons). Or the time Gary and I were in the car when we spotted this fiery balloon-like thingy floating in the sky. We followed it through town, chasing it down streets and avenues until suddenly, it just disappeared. It was like we were the only ones who saw it. No mention was made on the news or in the paper. But we were convinced we saw a bonafide UFO. That’s our story and we sticking to it.
Well, yesterday, my puppy, who has developed a naughty habit of jumping up and grabbing things off the counters, swallowed my contacts, case and all. Later in the day you should have seen my optometrist’s face as I tried to explain to him what happened to my contacts and why I needed an appointment right away. I could have done without his smirk and the eye rolls. Don’t worry Atticus was fine. Everything passed on through, if you know what I mean.
I’ve lost my husband. My life is unrecognizable to me. My compass hasn’t been able to settle upon true north yet. I’m trying to jump start my emotions and to feel less foreign in my own life. It has been three months and seventeen days since I last heard my darling’s voice. I miss our life together. I miss the tenderness, the conversation, and I miss the silliness. We laughed a lot.
Yesterday, I laughed all by myself. My dog ate my contacts. Gary would have loved that.
It’s something familiar. I’ll take what I can get.

“When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”
                                                                   ~ Psalm 94:19

1 comment:

Andrew Frazier said...

Your thoughts are so rewarding to read.