Thursday, June 13, 2013

My proclamation

As most of you know The Hubs has been diagnosed with Stage IV atypical Melanoma. It’s been a path we did not choose. Most days, I’m coping, but some days are a little rough. Gary is doing wonderful and his spirit is one to stand in awe of.  He is teaching all of us how live. But here’s the thing- it’s hard. It’s very hard and I’m truly learning the meaning of the word ‘struggle’.  I don’t ask ‘why’ out loud, but it’s there. Last week was the worst. But then on Monday something happened. God and I went to a place I have never been, a holy, hard. yet precious place and I came out of it changed.
 I think I've been asking the question of the ages. I don't doubt God one bit, but what I've come to believe is that I will never understand Him. I only see the hem of His garment. I guess this is where faith is either going to carry you through or you simply quit. I'm at a place where if it's going to be real for me, I must stop trying to understand and fall on my knees and say as Mary did, "Do with me what you will." I've concluded that those who are called to walk through fire are the Favored. Through the ages we have seen that being favored by God means you better pull up your bootstraps because God is about to use you for show and tell. I'm convinced that every faithful follower will get their day walking over the coals. And, the lesson learned, the insight given, the glimpse of God's power is not just for the one going through it, it is for the salvation of all mankind. Watch and learn. Watch and be in awe. Watch and fall to your knees. Abraham, Mary, Peter, Paul, the bleeding woman, the adulteress, David, Solomon, Samuel, Elijah... and the list goes on. All of their experiences teach us who God is, how God loves, the promise of something so incredibly better that our earthly understanding just simply cannot take it in.
So, with that said, I'm done trying to figure it out. God and I have come to an understanding. I've wrestled with angels long enough. He is the Great, I AM. I am the unworthy but loved, I AM NOT. I will follow Him anywhere. I will endure anything holding on to the promise that one day I will finally rest in His arms and that all, every tear, sorrow, guilt, pain, joy, fear, awe-struck moment has been preparing me for that moment when I finally see His face.
Today the sun is shining. Birds are chirping. My heart is hanging on the line with the warm summer breeze fluffing new life into it.  Gary and I are going to be okay. 
Today, I will rejoice, for this is the day that our God has made. I will take and face what comes because my God says I can... and Who knows me better than the One who made me.


Terre Jackson said...

It isn't easy! Simple maybe - but certainly not easy!

Terre Jackson said...

I can say personally that I know what you are going through

Terre Jackson said...

God brings you and Gary to my thoughts often during the day and I pray for you both.

Kevin Rayner said...

Pray for you guys and your family frequently.