THE LULU CHRONICLES
“Bereavement is not the truncation of married love but one of its regular phases—like the honeymoon. What we want is to live our marriage well and faithfully through that phase too.” ~ C.S. Lewis- A Grief Observed
|Me & The Hubs in a special place|
Yes, I know of late, I have quoted from Mr. Lewis quite a bit. I have found such comfort in his book chronicling his grief over his beloved Joy. I have now read a few books on grief but his is the one I keep returning to. The above quote gave me much peace at heart. When Gary died was I suppose to suddenly feel un-married? I didn’t know if people saw me that way now or not, but the emotions certainly did not recognize this new status. Gary’s death changed nothing in my commitment to him, our past, our present, or our future. Yes, our future. We have one. Our relationship continues. As with the Holy Spirit, Gary now lives within me. He inhabits my heart, my mind and counsels my actions. No, I’m not saying Gary is on equal terms with God himself. Put those ruffled feathers back where they belong, people. What I mean is that he is forever with me. I still feel married to him. I still wear the rings he gave me back in 1971 when we made our vows. I now wear his ring on a chain around my neck. I am bereaved and truly feel as Mr. Lewis that this sorrow is now just another phase of married love. This feeling may stay with me until I draw my own last breath or one day, who knows, I may wake and find I have shed my skin and that God has replaced my tattered heart with a new one. But for now Gary is mine and I am his. Our past fuels our future.
I say all of that to say this: Do Not. I repeat. Do Not. Ever. come to me with this silly grin on your face and tell me you have a ‘nice man’ for me to meet. It doesn’t work that way. I don’t know how it works, but that isn’t it. Don’t ever assume I do not feel married. Do we understand each other?
Is it possible that I may ever consider entering into another marriage? I suppose if pigs can find a way to fly that is a possibility. God does the impossible and improbable. But it will have to be all His doing. He will have to literally sit on me and slap me around to get my attention on that one.
But for now, I have entered a stage of my marriage that is still teaching me, stretching me and revealing God’s face a sliver at a time. It is well with my soul.
Yesterday at church a young engaged couple asked me to do their pre-marital counseling with them. How honored I am to be asked. They said they thought I might know a thing or two about marriage. Bless them. I think I do.
Wherever you find yourself scoot over and allow God t0 sit next to you. He has a plan. Trust me on this one.