Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Pray for me...


We all know how painful it is working on our taxes. Most of you probably have been more organized and diligent than I have and have already sent yours off and have already gotten your return. Bravo! The rest of you are slackers like me. We tend to put it off until we can no longer ignore the fact that we will go to jail if we don’t buckle down and finally do this.  I would rather pedal LuLu, the pink bike, in -30 degree weather in my bathing suit than sit down with bank statements and ledgers and figure out where last year’s money went. It’s gone! Who cares?
Figuring out taxes is yet another dagger to my already tattered heart. Gary always did our taxes. I chimed in a little bit but I was more than happy to let him take the lead in this. Cluelessness is underrated. But the sad fact is, I hate numbers. If there is such a thing as being a math dyslectic then I am the poster child. Gary knew this early on in our relationship. He is the only reason I passed Fundamentals of Math our sophomore year of college. He did everything short of actually taking the pencil out of my hand and doing my homework for me. So, when he sat me down a few months before his death and walked me through how to do this, he knew what he was asking of me would be short of a grade B miracle if I could actually pull it off.
What Gary didn’t realize at the time and what I was not prepared for was that each and every entry in our bank statement was a chronicle of our last year together. Such as:
January 22, 2013- Kwik Trip (gas)- $46.50- We were on our way to Mayo.
February 18-  Etsy.com- $11.30- Gary surprised me with a sweet necklace made from a tile from a Scrabble game (the last piece of jewelry he ever gave me).
March 22-McDonalds- $3.20- We were sitting in a Rochester McDonalds. Gary was drinking coffee. I was drinking tea. Gary had just had a PET scan at Mayo that later that day would confirm that there were eight cancerous tumors in his liver.
May 24- Mayo Cafeteria- $5.20- Bagels after Gary’s blood tests.
And, so forth and so on…
It’s all there. Every precious excruciating moment of 2013. And to add insult to injury, I’m being taxed for it.
The bank statement entries also show how The Hubs lovingly prepared for what would eventually come. Life insurance payments. Investments, savings, etc., He did all he could to prepare me for this long, long rainy day. How he loved me.
So, Uncle Sam will just have to wait. I’m filing an extension. I can only get through so much at one sitting. But the government will get its due. The Hubs has seen to it. Of course, it goes without saying that 2014 is going to be one ugly, bookkeeping year.
Pray for me.


Kevin Rayner said...

Prayers said. Step slowly and try to keep moving. He is there with you.

Cathy Messecar said...

Deb, I'm like you. Numbers and paperwork are overwhelming tasks but if you want to have energy for anything else, keep good records in 2014. I buy 3" binders and use dividers. I punch holes and keep all financial statements in them. I make myself o through them monthly and categorize expenditures. Blessings as you trace your year of finances with your dear one. You have opened my eyes to so many of the firsts that I never thought of and they will help me be a more compassionate friend. Thank you.