Monday, March 10, 2014


September 28, 2013


Hi. I’m back. Been missing again haven’t I? Wouldn’t you think that the death of a spouse would just about fill up your quota card of bad things that can happen to you? I mean I don’t expect smooth sailing from here on out. I know I’m still vulnerable to germs, poison ivy and bad hair days, but shouldn’t the big stuff be done with me? I lost my husband. Life should just leave me alone now, right?
Well, that’s not how it works. A couple of weeks ago my mother had a heart attack. A mild heart attack they tell us. Since I live twelve hours away, my sweet brother and sister-in-law stood watch and cared for Mom through this latest hurdle. Nonetheless, I had to go see for myself that mild wasn’t code for something more sinister. I found Mom tired but pretty amazing for what she had just been through. The experience left me shaken though. No, I don’t expect my mother to live forever. She has lived a noble life. However, I still need her especially now.
What’s next? Should I shake my fist at God and yell, “Bring it on!” Or, should I fall to my knees and beg for mercy?
Here’s the deal. I think I have been shown mercy—countless times. Some I recognize. Other times I’ve flitted through my day unaware. Yes, tragedy and trauma have intruded themselves upon me like ugly troll twins hell-bent on dragging me under the bridge. But they haven’t been able to, drag me under the bridge I mean. That is mercy.
The morning Gary died I didn’t know if I would make it through the day and what had to come next. But I did. That is mercy.
There was a funeral to get through. And we did. That is mercy.
Gary died in our bed. Could I ever sleep there again? The answer was ‘yes.’ That is mercy.
My husband missed our forty-third wedding anniversary by fourteen days. Would I survive that day without him? I did. That is mercy.
This past Sunday it was six month since I last kissed my husband. We’ve never been apart this long… ever. Would Monday bring any comfort? It did. That is mercy.
Today the sky was crystal blue and the sun started melting the snow. That is mercy.
God so loved the world that He gave…
That is mercy.

1 comment:

listening said...

This powerful piece ushered me to my knees in gratitude. Too may of my days I have allowed those troll twins to take my eyes off of the Lord's sweet mercies. Thank you,Deb. Your courageous walk with Jesus inspires, instructs and corrects. My prayers for your continued healing and protection for your tender heart.