Thursday, March 21, 2013

I feel...


Sorry, folk. I've been remiss in my blogging. If you've followed me at all, you know my time has been taken over by the Hub's diagnosis of Stage Four Melanoma. This is an odd place to be. A strange, foreign land. I'm not prepared. If warned, I probably wouldn't be prepared. I don't think anyone is prepared for this type of illness. It just comes. It just happens. And... there you are in a fight for your life, sharks circling.

We're in Rochester, MN at Mayo Clinic this week. We've chosen a fairly new treatment plan with the drug ipilimumab. Yeah, I can't pronounce it either. For the past two and half days we've been waiting for our insurance company to approve this treatment. For the last 48 hours I've bounced back and forth between anger, frustration, fear, and weeping as I wait on these nameless, faceless folks to make a judgement on my husband's life. They don't know him. They have never treated him. And, their top priority to is save the company money, and then somewhere down their list of priorities Gary's name finally comes up. Yeah, I'm being too harsh. They do have names. They do have faces. They have families of their own. They are just doing their jobs. I will pray for them. What a terrible job it must be.

At this moment, the Hubs and I are sitting at a McDonald's biding time. I slept horribly last night even with two Tylenol PMs. My mind refused to shut down. Funny, I don't feel tired today though. What I feel is God. I feel His presence. I can almost feel his breath on the back of my neck. His knees under the table where we're sitting. The sun is shining outside. Snow is piled in the streets. Angels crowd the room. And I feel that we are going to be okay.

love you all,

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